hi! i'm a fifteen year old from the states. i dont know
i'm a neet. also life has been sorta mean to me so hopefully here will be nice (?)
i know my page looks like a who lot of nothing! but i'll make it pretty soon,
I'M GONNA- crap caps lock.
i'm gonna get drunk (hopefully) tonight, but before i do let me get this story off my mind.
when i was around 9 i used to be SUPER into Animal Jam. I used to watch AJ Youtubers and specifically wisteramoon(?). i think she was called that used to say "i loaf you" at the end of her videos. this was because the Animal Jam speech filter wouldn't let users say love. Anyways so once during a late afternoon i believe during that years summer break i told my mom i "loafed" her, and she thought it was cute and my dad walked into the kitchen (we were in the dining room, and because the kitchen is open it was practically the same room. I remember exactly where he was, exactly where my mom was, and exactly where i was. he was around 11 feet in front of me behind the sink but not directly... in the middle of our kitchen. my mom was to my left.) so i repeat this to him, but he misheard me and though i said i "loathed" him. dear god. i remember him saying very mean things to me while me and my mom were trying to explain what i actually said, but he wouldn't believe me. i was punished prety badfor this incident, but i can't exactly remember how. but i remember him screaming he would make my life a living hell. how dare i say something so awful. i dont deserve to live. and i don't. everything i try to do fails. even if its fine at first it fucks up later. I've started going to church recently. maybe if im good i
thats so fucking selfish. no matter what i do. i'm going to burn in hell im going to burn in hell im going to burn in hell and i deserve it. they say god is merciful but if he was i should've died back when i drowned. nothing was ever as warm as the light at the end of the tunnel. ill never forget it, dear god. i think i would be okay with drowning again. just please no bugs
i feel a bit grpss for pitying myself so much. i dont know wht i think is gonna come from me posting this online. its really nasty but. i cant reason it in my mind. im already awful. i dont know. im sorry.